An unpresidential checklist was discarded and found in the Oval Office trash in December of 2018, and subsequently saved by the Janitorial Staff and posted anonymously.
- Have a bowel movement and tweet to my special people. (Highlight of my day)
- Schedule my Adderall delivery.
- Apply tanning spray.
- Have Secret Service let in my CIRQUE DU SOLEIL hairstylist.
- Send out my red ties for cleaning and stretching.
- Attend morning speech therapy class.
- Apply denture cream. (Note to self: Sometimes I forget. Move this to position one.)
- Send out for breakfast, hamburgers, and/or waffles and chicken fingers.
- Send for the Secret Service food taster.
- Watch three hours of Fox and Friends.
- Take a nap.
- Call Moscow on my beautiful private server.
- Check that the subliminal messages promoting my wall are still running on Senators' phone lines.
- Order a large House of Pancakes sign to be delivered and installed over the entrance to the House of Representatives.
- Walk the White House lawn, avoiding fake news reporters. (Boy, I miss seeing Sean Spicer in the bushes.)
- Call my lawyers. Pick any two and fire them. Google some replacements.
- Call in my family to help me make up distracting and fake stories for Fox and Friends, like "the large amount of jobs that I have created" or "that majority of federal workers laid off by the government shutdown are 100% behind me and my wall."
- Schedule another golf outing. Remember to call it a working vacation.
- Take another nap.
- Order more take-out.
- Send for a food taster again.
- Walk through the Capitol grounds and pretend I'm on an important fact-finding junket. (Walk fast and ignore the press.). The most important thing I learned in show Business is that walking fast gives people the impression you are headed to an important meeting where you will be getting things done. They fall for it all the time.
- Take another nap.
- Order more take-out.
- Send for a food taster again.
- Check that my new artificial intelligence phone answering program is on and running. It's programmed with phrases like "Yes!, But there are good people on both sides," and "I can do that, and I may do that; we'll see what happens."
- Stress to reporters that nothing is my fault and they must look at the Obama Administration as the cause of all the bad things that happen.
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