This is a press release leaked to reporters here at FAKYNEWS Channel 3.14 by infamous Hacker UPYOURS right before the President’s State of the Union Speech.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact:White House Press Room
Phone:xxx-xxx-xxxx
Email:TRUMPandPUTIN@sittin-ina-TREE-KKK+KBG.com
S.O.T.U. PROTOCOL
Fake News reporters read at your own risk. Sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken.
Allergy Warning: This paper may have been printed by a nut. Quantities are limited. No substitutions allowed.
The State of the Union Address does not implicate this administration, our friends, or anyone affiliated with our administration, their friends and/or acquaintances both foreign and domestic.
Don't quote us on that, in fact, don’t quote us on anything.
The President’s State of the Union Speech, which he totally wrote by himself, is provided "as is" without any accuracy warranties.
This speech is void where prohibited or otherwise restricted by law.
Reading transcripts of his speech will cause drowsiness. Alcohol may intensify this effect.
Inflammable. Burning the transcripts of his speech could be hazardous to your health.
Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle any transcripts. Definitely-DO NOT SPINDLE!
If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, please discontinue listening to his State of the Union Speech.
Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Only read this press release while proper ventilation is available.
Side effects from reading this document may include drowsiness, blurred vision, irritability, rash, palpitations, and/or permanent paralysis of the facial muscles not unlike the president’s son, Eric.
The President’s State of the Union speech will not address any of the following subjects:
- His poor communication skills
- His antiquated ineffectual governmental supervision
- Misuse of Federal Government Money or higher taxes on the middle class
- Golfing
- Inadequate Federal Disaster Relief for flood, tornado, tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes, meteor strikes and other Acts of God.
- Neglect or damage caused by a lack of reading.
- Neglect or damage caused by lack of hearing.
- Neglect or damage caused by a lack of understanding.
- Unsupervised TV viewing
- Missing or altered e-mails
- His businesses
- His finances
- Anything Russian
- Electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts or anything pertaining to North Korea.
- Climate change, mudslides, forest fires
- school shootings, gun control, and the NRA
- Women’s rights
- Children separated from parents at our borders
- Government shutdowns and back pay owed to contractors
- White Nationalism and much more…..
All rights reserved. You may not distribute this document before, during, and after signing his standard 13-page Non Disclosure Agreement.
Any reference to actual persons, living or dead, although highly amusing and deeply humiliating is intentionally coincidental. Yes, He is talking to you, Chuck and Nancy.
We told you not to read this if the safety seal was broken.
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