To a Press Core before entering
a courtroom he can’t control.
His garble words gargled forth
unconsciously uncontrollable,
with hands caught in the cookie jar.
Sitting consistently incontinent
All day long steeped in a diaper seeping
Sleeping beside his weeping lawyers
He wakes and cries for change.
Not such a rash request
His lawyers would agree.
Sitting beside him day after day,
In golden diaper dripping pee.
Time to take a plea.
RKO Ⓒ2024 All Rights Reserved.
TITLE
“Downwind from Trump”
An Elizabethan Era screenplay, first performed to a throng of British and American sightseers.
Finally appearing on the American Stage.
SCRIPT
Trump (Stage Left)
WOW! What a stench. We must be downwind from the stables.
Queen Elizabeth (Stage Right)
There IS no wind silly BOY.
The THE ROYAL STABLES are in the other direction.
And there is no WIND other than yours.
Thank you for not smoking.
RKO Ⓒ2024 All Rights Reserved
No buses or taxis or stop lights in this Capcha. True Patriots could pass easily.
Our country had a Commander in Chief named Trump.
TRUMP is a slang word meaning FART in the U.K.
“Trump’s twin”, the former leader of the U.K., was a “Johnson”.
JOHNSON is a slang word meaning PENIS in the U.S.A.
What may we infer from this?
Our country was led by a gigantic FART.
The U.K. was led by his twin – a little DICK.
RKO © 2024 All Rights Reserved
This is a press release leaked to reporters here at FAKYNEWS Channel 3.14 by infamous Hacker UPYOURS right before the President’s State of the Union Speech.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
Contact:White House Press Room
Phone:xxx-xxx-xxxx
Email:TRUMPandPUTIN@sittin-ina-TREE-KKK+KBG.com
S.O.T.U. PROTOCOL
Fake News reporters read at your own risk. Sealed for your protection, do not read if safety seal is broken.
Allergy Warning: This paper may have been printed by a nut. Quantities are limited. No substitutions allowed.
The State of the Union Address does not implicate this administration, our friends, or anyone affiliated with our administration, their friends and/or acquaintances both foreign and domestic.
Don’t quote us on that, in fact, don’t quote us on anything.
The President’s State of the Union Speech, which he totally wrote by himself, is provided “as is” without any accuracy warranties.
This speech is void where prohibited or otherwise restricted by law.
Reading transcripts of his speech will cause drowsiness. Alcohol may intensify this effect.
Inflammable. Burning the transcripts of his speech could be hazardous to your health.
Do not bend, fold, mutilate, or spindle any transcripts. Definitely-DO NOT SPINDLE!
If rash, irritation, redness, or swelling develops, please discontinue listening to his State of the Union Speech.
Do not remove this disclaimer under penalty of law. Only read this press release while proper ventilation is available.
Side effects from reading this document may include drowsiness, blurred vision, irritability, rash, palpitations, and/or permanent paralysis of the facial muscles not unlike the president’s son, Eric.
The President’s State of the Union speech will not address any of the following subjects:
All rights reserved. You may not distribute this document before, during, and after signing his standard 13-page Non Disclosure Agreement.
Any reference to actual persons, living or dead, although highly amusing and deeply humiliating is intentionally coincidental. Yes, He is talking to you, Chuck and Nancy.
We told you not to read this if the safety seal was broken.
Mr. President, a new variety of apple you found at the supermarket was very different from all the other apples that you were accustomed to. So you thought “what the hell, I’ll give it a try”.
You bought it, brought it home and prominently placed it in your best white fruit bowl.
Mostly green with a slight golden tinge near the stem, you waited for it to ripen a little more wanting it to become more “Apple-like”, more “Presidential”.
The golden top swiftly mutated into a dull orange hue and the otherwise shiny outer surface faded into a not so brilliant green.
Finally, the time came to test the apple. You pierced its skin and slicing into it, discovered that it was rotten the day you bought it.
Trumperman from the planet RipUoff, located in an alternate universe, crash-landed on Earth, after escaping from the Foxdumb Zone a guarded gated community for the criminally insane.
He developed super coping powers that only grew stronger throughout his socially awkward childhood. These powers consisted of:
He returned to search the crash site many times, during his youth.
He was only able to salvage a few items from the debris field of his crashed vehicle.
Many years had passed since his crash when, while examining the Crystal Container, he accidently pressed a hidden button.
The Instruction Manual was instantly read aloud to him. This was fortunate because Trumperman had never learned to read the papers contained inside.
He was now able to use the crystals to create his Fortress of Foxitude. He spends much of his time there.
While there he invented his:
He spends the remaining time at his fortress watching ‘Fox and Friends’, and fabricating a multitude of every expanding lies.
SIDE NOTE: As you all know, many have said that he cloned his “STEPFORD LIFE Friends at Fox”, from his own alien DNA.
At the conclusion of the House Committee on Oversight and Reform hearings; members will retire to the State Dining Room.
There they will be served juicy portions of LAMBASTED TRUMP ROAST accompanied by a variety of boiled Minions, both domestic and imported Russian varieties.
Dessert will follow, consisting of tax re-turnovers topped with scoops of chilled impeached mint ice cream.
Afterward; Bowls of collusion punch will be available along with hot “covfefe”.